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January 2018
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"Don't let your happiness depend on something you may lose." ~C. S. Lewis


PostHeaderIcon Vulnerability

One of the words I’m practicing deeper knowledge and awareness of. And that includes full honesty of training, impact, goals and more. And that means owning up to not holding myself where I planned to hold myself during these last two weeks before my 30th race. I planned to workout last night. I planned to have no glass of wine for two weeks. I planned to cut out sugar. All went buh bye last night.

Argh. Well I know it’s better to be real and straightforward. It’s hard for anyone else to relate if everything seems all-good on the outside. The reality is, life can come at us from strange directions even in the best of circumstances and with the best of intentions. I certainly had high quality intentions for myself. And. My excuse is that I was literally on the phone all day yesterday, and knocked loopy from it. So the voice in my head that said, ah, have a glass. And the voice that said, oh, skip the workout so you can eat earlier and get to bed earlier (which, did, in fact occur, so there’s some good outcome there.) And the voice that said a little sugar won’t hurt. All, really, true.

But. It still has an outcome. There’s the line I’m still learning of self-forgivness and sticking to my intentions and goals, especially when I know there’s a deadline or a better way of doing something. Meaning, I know full well with a race 10 days away cutting out energy zappers is a good thing and getting my last bit of training is critical – including not jamming it all in at the end. Done that before. Could barely get my calves to work for weeks. Funny thing is, if my race were a week ago, would be in AWESOME shape for it. Or two weeks ago. But as consistency is key, I’m a little frustrated that here it is 10 days out, a Thursday and I haven’t had a good push in a week and not only feel like I’m trying to right the nutrition ship at the moment, but actually undo some damage of indulgence the last few weeks. And when I had just so very recently felt like I’d shifted that relationship to a positive again.

The question now is – what can I do right now, with what I have, where I’m at? Right? Can’t undo. Can begin again. No regrets. And no beating myself up Sunday the 6th with “if I had…I would…” blah blah blah. How does that serve me? How does that help? How does that create a beautiful experience?

Doesn’t. IF my goal is to truly enjoy the race and that inludes a strong finish time, I begin again. Right now. That’s my gift to myself. That’s the inspiration for today. That’s the undoing of the crazy-making attempt. Begin again. Find that warrior within and ignite her fire.

Going. going. Out for a run!

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