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"Don't let your happiness depend on something you may lose." ~C. S. Lewis

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PostHeaderIcon This is going to hurt

That’s what I’m thinking now as I get ready to go for a run. First one in a week. First one since a bout of bronchitis/flu. My lungs are feeling seared just sitting here writing this. But. I have to run. I need to run. I want to run. I don’t want to lose momentum. It’s imperative I remain connected to myself through running, through this journey.

And yet, of course, I wonder if thinking about the fact that “it will hurt” adds to the pain or if I’m just being realistic. I have scads of experience with mind over matter. So this may be a slow run. It will be an experiential run. Unfortunately, for the DC race coming up, I already felt like I was slowing down and overwhelmed by other life stuff to get myself refocused on the running would be…this week. And last. The days I am sick are the days I planned to jump right back in. And then work calls and next week I’ll be gone for two days instead of a full week at home to build up strength.

This is what most everyone faces when training. Very few have the opportunity to train only or create a schedule of work around their training. Paradoxically if one isn’t stressed out/strung out from work and an unrelenting travel schedule, one probably doesn’t succumb to getting bronchitis or the flu. So this is a little bit of a double whammy.

Not one to feel sorry for, but one to surmount and overcome. To lean back and trust my foundation, trust that in two days I could feel incredible or a week I could, and March 12 is still a little ways off, and the foundation is still strong, there’s still so much I can do in the meantime. And to try. Find that sweet spot of trying even when I can’t and creating awareness around when a pause might be necessary.

And so, this might hurt a little. I’m not saying that to set myself up for failure or for pain. I’m recognizing that the lungs are struggling right now and I’m still going to get out there. It’s a “yes, and” in this case. It’s a both. While I long for what Arizona felt like or how strong I felt at the beginning of November, I am learning to accept where I am at now, and it’s enough, and it will support me so long as I show up and show up in love.

I love you lungs. Let’s go for a run, shall we?

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